How I realized Broken was a terrible myth.
A story told in parts in hopes you will find a stepping stone to help you cross from perceived Broken to fully Human. You are worthy. Part 3 of 3
It is one thing to unlearn something in your heart, but to unlearn something with your mind is a wholly different thing. The neurons are fused together, to pry them apart is sweaty work. It pushes you into chairs at the UN-comforTable. Nonetheless, this is what it takes to stop the myth of broken and flow into humanness. We reckon with the realizations that life is hard, and sometimes people’s best is still sucky (thank you for that lesson Brene Brown). We understand the lessons we learned from family, culture, and religion were taught by people who didn’t know better, or who were, in fact, sucky. But through it all is the knowledge that we are worthy of love. Not from someone else, but from ourselves. Self-love is the love that really matters and this type of love demands that we see ourselves as worthy. It will not tolerate shame.
For the first time in my life, I decided I was worthy enough to step out of shame. I unstuck my tongue, and I told my husband about the near suicide. By the end of my story, we were both on the floor, faces smothered in salty tears. I said one last “I am sorry.” His next words released me from my broken shame. He said, “I love you, thank you for telling me. We are going to work through this together. You have nothing to apologize for.” He was right. My story is my story, it requires no apology or excuse. Which also means your story is your story. You must be unapologetic as well.
When I say be unapologetic I mean this- we are all flawed. We have all failed. We have messed up, made mistakes, been humiliated, been the humiliator, shamed and been shamed. Yes, our stories hold chapters where we hurt others and chapters where others hurt us. Of course, we need to engage in healing behaviors, however, our stories do not make us broken, and there is no need for us to try to apologize for them.
Being human is the opposite of broken. Humans are flexible, we bend and stretch with every experience. We do not break. Yes, even those of us whose stories are raw, emotional, hurtful, and heavy. We should dare to use our stories as a way of connecting. Reaching out to one another, reminding each other there is no broken. Just humanness. People trying to live, overcome failures, go on grand adventures. I guarantee there are at least 151,000,000 other people out there who will meet you in your unbroken-ness.
People are really good at sharing stories. Empathy is a super-power most of us possess. We are strong enough to help one another process the heaviest parts of our story. This empowering knowledge that lifts shame, in the same manner, that Wonder Woman lifts a car to free people trapped under it. When I started to process my experiences, shame started to dissolve. It wasn’t easy, and it took some time, but it did happen.
Last year a dear friend of mine described me as being unapologetic about who I was and the story I had to tell. And I thought damn straight! All of us need to be unapologetic about our stories. Everyone has a story that deserves to be told, sans apology. Its the sharing of these stories that help us realize no one is broken, we are all just human, and we are all worthy.
