A series of letters to girls about beauty culture.
“There is no natural body, but only a cultural body.”
“The body is a reflection of the society that presided over its creation.”
Denia Bruna
In a world desperately trying to correct gender equality, we still have one sticking point that’s slathered in pink lipstick: The effect of Beauty Culture has on young girls. It is time to start speaking truth to what it is: An antiquated expectation held over from a time in history when the only job for a woman was to marry and start a family. To secure a husband the young lady must be pure, beautiful, and poised. Society held girls and women to standards of beauty that eventually trapped us all into believing beauty must be a woman’s number one goal.
The shock our society experiences when seeing a woman in her natural state — unmakeup-ed, unshaven, and unbra-ed — proves that we are having the wrong conversations about beauty and the feminine body. The following is a letter interlaced with a little bit of wisdom and an empowering dose of reality about Beauty Culture. It is written to young girls who find themselves in the diminutive, fragile space between childhood and teen-dom.
Letter 1 Makeup
To the fresh faces who are curious about the colorful palettes, delicate scents, and shiny facades that when mixed create beauty culture.
Sweet Girl,
It is great that you want to wear makeup! It’s an exciting moment. Before you do, could I share some thoughts with you?
My mother gave me permission to start wearing makeup in the 7th grade. Glory upon glory. My day had finally arrived. I would soon join the forces of supermodels; I was now knocking on the pink door. All things girly and teen were mine for the taking. I would finally be beautiful. I just had two small hurdles to overcome:
1. Per my mom’s specifications- I was to enter into the world of makeup slowly, starting with blush and neutral lipstick only.
2. The only makeup I had was clown makeup from an old Halloween costume. Which really was more wax sticks than makeup.
However, I was undeterred. I proudly rouged my cheeks with the red stick and used the light brown one to color both my eyebrows (like I had seen my aunt do once) and my lips. I was a bit proud of my matching eyebrows and lips. I was bliss and beauty. I am sure all the guys saw my wax stick makeup and thought I was a natural knockout.
The following year I was allowed eyeshadow. ( But I snuck-wore blue eyeliner and mascara any time I went to the mall, it was 1988, gimme a break!) My mother noticed, commented on my choice, but let me continue wearing them anyway. To recap, blue mascara and eyeliner, matching brown eyebrows and lips, and red cheeks. Scoring all over the place!
In 9th grade, I was finally allowed to wear liquid foundation and face powder. Except, I didn’t realize makeup was skin tone specific. I went to the mall with some friends and chose a shade that would hide my acne. However, this particular shade was for girls with medium to dark skin tones. I am blonde, green-eyed, and quite pale. I went to school with an orange circle on my face. Not one person mentioned my mistake. NOT ONE. I thought I had nailed the flawless makeup look and went back to school for a second day with an orange circle on my face. That weekend my mother gave me a much-needed makeover. She showed me how to apply makeup and taught me how to choose the correct shades of foundation for my skin tone.
In college, I stopped wearing makeup because it meant I could sleep in a bit longer and it just felt like a waste of time. But started wearing it again with the arrival of my first professional job. I figured if you wanted to look professional, you wear makeup. I am not sure why a bare face was unprofessional. I never questioned my decision to wear makeup until after my daughter was born.
When she was four, she asked for makeup. I hesitated and asked her why she wanted to wear it. As I asked her, I realized I had no idea why I wanted to wear makeup. This moment was profound enough that I stopped wearing makeup again. Vowing not to wear it again until I understood why I wore it in the first place.
Wearing makeup is a deeply personal decision for most women. I enjoy the ritual of putting on makeup. I feel as though it is an act of appreciation. I work on appreciating my face. I relish the feeling of glamour when I wear it. I also enjoy the feeling of being natural when I do not wear it. I also like color; (please note red cheeks, blue eyes, and brown lips). Nowadays, my makeup practices are best described as “whatever.” On any given day, you will find me with or without makeup. It truly depends on whether I feel like putting it on or not. As I age, I find myself focusing more on skincare rather than the act of covering wrinkles and pores. Something that I feel should be step number one for anyone wanting to wear makeup.
Are you considering wearing makeup? The idea of wearing makeup can be very appealing. It can feel glamorous spending time applying it. Gliding liner across your eye, applying eyeshadow can be luxurious. It’s gratifying to get just the right cupid shape to your lips or the perfect flick of the eyeliner right at the end of your eye. Experimenting with different shades of eyeshadow, blush, and lipstick is an artistic endeavor. Makeup can be both a recreational activity as well as part of a daily beauty routine.
However, sometimes makeup can feel tedious and a set-up. Once we start wearing it, we can feel trapped into believing we must wear it. Suddenly our natural faces do not feel beautiful enough without it. It is sad when I hear someone say they don’t feel pretty without makeup. It makes me want to push the pause button. It is vitally important for every girl and woman to ask herself- Why do I want to wear makeup?
Because if the answer to that question is:
- I want to feel confident
- I want to feel pretty
- All my friends are doing it
- It’s what girls are supposed to do
- To cover up my imperfections
- then I urge you to do some more thinking and research on this subject because that is not why we should wear makeup.
Occasionally our culture makes us feel pressured into making a choice based on popularity rather than what is best for us as an individual. We go along with the popular choice because we are worried that someone will make fun of us, judge us, or we will be left out. Wearing makeup can feel like a popular, socially acceptable choice.
You should never make a choice because it will please someone else. We have to be true to ourselves and do what’s best for us. You are so important. I urge you to take time to fully understand how things in our beauty culture will affect you. Taking time to understand these things will help you make the best-informed decisions for your mind, body, and spirit. Don’t let the world make up your mind for you. You are in charge of you.
Eye shadow will never give you the self-acceptance you are so desperately searching for. That comes from you believing that you are, indeed, a stunning masterpiece. Powders, blushes, and lipsticks can bring you smiles, fun looks, and moments of confidence. But at the end of the day it all comes off, and you are back to the essence of yourselves- your true faces. The job of makeup is to give you a bit of glamour, a bit of enhancement, but it is in its absence that you will find beauty and confidence.
You were made to look like you. To be beautiful like you, not like a celebrity, not like another girl in class, you were made to be you and that is enough. You are enough. You are enough. You.Are.Enough. Furthermore, you will always be enough. Do not let anyone decide for you what the essence of your true beauty is. You get to decide that for yourself. It is your right. Everyone else’s opinions must fall to the wayside.
There are so many delightful ways to feel beautiful and they do not all come from a jar. Being beautiful is about tapping into your spirit and discovering your energy. You do this by engaging in activities that unearth the joy that is inside of you. When joy and energy are mixed they produce confidence. Confidence will bring a look into your being and that is where your true beauty lies. Makeup can never give you that type of confidence or beauty. It has to come from the joyful energy deep inside of your spirit. You will know when you have found it because it will radiate from your spirit. It colors your cheeks with pink excitement, brightens your eyes with joy, colors your smile, and gives you a glow of happiness.
Once you understand these things, you are ready to decide if makeup is right for you. Should you decide to wear it, I hope you have the most fun with it. Buy all the lipstick and all the eyeshadow in every color. Do this because you hold the power to beauty. You understand the makeup has no power over you, so wear it all. You are allowing makeup to enhance your natural beauty instead of letting it take your beauty with it when it fades away. Because, Sweet Girl, makeup will always fade away. It was never meant to be permanent. The wisdom of wearing makeup is knowing that at the end of the day, when it all comes off, our true and natural beauty remains. Always be excited to return to your natural self.
Makeup is nothing but some ingredients a company mixed and sold to us under the guise of pretend beauty in a pretty jar. The truth is you have real beauty. Those makeup companies need us more than we need them. We can buy from them, we can have fun with their product, but instead of our culture and the cosmetic companies telling us we should wear makeup, how about us girls get to be in charge of how, when, and why we wear makeup. Sounds good to me. How about you?
Yours,
H
